Goodbye Houston

[bwitty24]

Press Release

June 1, 2009

The formerly known Houston Astros would like to thank all of our fans in Houston who have supported us over the years. After careful consideration, we have decided to move the team to Varitek City and will rename the team the All Star's.

In late May, we were approached by the grandfathered All Star, Jason Varitek, who in case you are unaware, has caught four no hitters in his career, FOUR. He offered us a contract that we couldn't resist. The key features of the deal include:

1. All of our players will make an all star game for each all star game they are actually chosen for. For example, if a player makes it one year, they are guaranteed to be voted in to one more.

2. Jason Varitek will be our teams Spokesman and Announcer

3. He will teach our catchers how to catch four no hitters

4. He promises to have 6 sons, all with different partners who will eventually be guaranteed to play on our team (In case you didn't know, Jason Varitek is kind of important and can have the MLB allow this)

5. He gave us the key to his city

Yours truly,
Bwitty24 (President of Varitek City Nation for Super All Stars)



P.S. This did not turn out nearly as well as I would have liked.

[ljshorty89]

But the biggest question is...will he teach your players to hit .219? If so, he's the greatest human being in the history of the world.

[bwitty24]

I am sorry...I thought that was a given.

Now we all know, that you would not be talented enough to learn from him. .219 is no joke. It's difficult to bat that.

[realmofotalk]

That is the queerest team name change since the Catskill Mountaineers.

[NYgiantsfan5689]

i think that this entire decision by Houston's upper management is......rep worthy

[Kingdom]

This joke was great for the first ten minutes... 3 or 4 days ago.

[bwitty24]

This is no longer a joke, but rather a reality.

[Bon Bon]

varitek however bad he is hitting is a born leader.

[HollywoodLeo]

This joke was great for the first ten minutes... 3 or 4 days ago.

I'm just happy I held it in its prime.

Then I cast it off at its peak value so it can dwindle away it's twilight years elsewhere.

[bwitty24]

I hear that Varitek will be participating in the HR derby at the All Star Game this year. Even more press for the V City All Stars.

[browntown653]

This is no longer a joke, but rather a reality.

hahaha...it was a bad joke until you said that

[Kingdom]

I'm just happy I held it in its prime.

Then I cast it off at its peak value so it can dwindle away it's twilight years elsewhere.

The DirtyKash Mama Phenomenon?