Strike 3 Forums - Hot Seat Answers #28 - Red Hot Mama

[Kingdom]

I don't want to even know how you knew that

[in an annoying girly voice] I'll never tell.

[Red Hot Mama]

ghettochild offers the following quandaries:

who all have you interviewed?

Raquel Aurilia is the only person I've really interviewed so far, but I've also had pretend interviews with Joe Randa and Jacob Cruz.

what made you open the blog site?

The number one reason why I started Red Hot Mama, and this is important kids, so pay attention, was to make myself rich and famous. I haven't exactly worked that out yet.

The number two reason why I started Red Hot Mama was to provide a humorous Reds blog for all the people out there who were intimidated by or bored with the complaining and stat talk that dominates most online baseball discussion.

The number three reason why I started Red Hot Mama was to try to encourage more women everywhere to enjoy the sport. Haven't we left the butt-patting fun to the guys long enough?

favorite reds memory?

That's probably the Freel at Applebee's story. You can find on Red Hot Mama, but I'll reprint it here for your reading convenience.

The other story takes place at Applebee's across the river from the stadium, well before I'd developed the baseball sophistication to do things like buy Freel t-shirts. I, in fact, was still in the throes of a prototypical first-baseball-crush on Sean Casey, and though I knew it was highly unlikely, it was him I was hoping would show up for the 700 WLW show after the game.

Even though it was "only" Freel that showed up, Jon and I enjoyed the program immensely. The radio station had bought Freel one of those great 20-oz Applebee's beers, which was fine. Looking back on it, though, the second one was probably too much.

At the time, Danny Graves was up to his signature tricks of causing heart attacks en masse before pulling in a dramatic save, and a lot of people, including the hosts of this show, were down on him about it. Graves had gotten a save this way this very night.

I need to break the flow here to set up this scene, because it's very important that you have a clear visual in your mind. Applebee's is busy and bustling on a Saturday night, around 11:30. WLW has set up a table in the middle of the room, but only about half of the patrons really seem to be there to see them. Around the perimeter of the restaurant people are eating and drinking and laughing. It is a bustling atmosphere, plenty loud.

OK, so the host of the show, who's been dogging on Graves for the way he's been going about getting the saves he's been getting, brings up the save today and says to Freel, "What do you think? Does Graves really deserve a save for tonight's performance?"

Freel, ever-enthusiastic, announces, "Oh yeah, man, Graves is legit!" and on "legit" throws both of his arms up into the air like he was leading a cheer. But instead of the rousing chorus of approval he expected, the crowd went
totally.
utterly.
silent.

No kidding, people who hadn't paid attention to a single word of the interview, who hadn't even realized that a Red was in the room, heard that phrase, stopped chewing, and turned to stare.

And at that exact moment, a cricket chirped.

No, there wasn't really any cricket. But that would have been perfect. The excruciating moment felt like it was frozen in time, but in fact the host glossed over it rather nicely and got things moving again in short order. They finished up their interview by midnight because that's when Applebee's closes, which was probably good for Freel who seemed to be approaching the "I love you, man" stage after a couple beers.

The next day, Freel started at third base and on the very first play of the game bobbled the ball. The guy sitting in front of us in the stands made some comment about how he had heard that Freel had been out drinking with WLW the night before. And from that point forward, WLW was no longer allowed to provide alcohol to their guests.

In light of the DUI, this story takes on a more sinister, foreshadowing tone, but at the time it was freaking hilarious. In fact, I still laugh painfully and cover my face when I think about that moment of silence. Exquisite-agony-wise, that one is going to be tough to top.

[Kingdom]

She's secretly married to Wally.

[Red Hot Mama]

PacMan just has to know:

1. Are you hawt!1!2@!1!

Dude, you're 14.

2. What do you think the Reds should do in the offseason?

I think they should trade Dunn and Pena for pitching and re-sign Aurilia. And in case that didn't make me unpopular enough, I also hate puppies.

3. When do you think the Reds will be competing for a playoff spot?

They're always competing for a playoff spot, but I'm guessing you're asking when I think they'll be realistic contenders. Since they should have been realistic contenders this year, and assuming they can make the team better over the off-season, I don't see any reason it can't be 2006.

[Red Hot Mama]

redsrbetter can't help but question:

How on Earth do you come up with all your fake news stories?

Ah, someone who's actually read my site. Always a pleasure to meet one of the six of you.

I hatch the stories a few different ways. When I want to make a commentary on some aspect of the team, sometimes I'll prefer to come up with some exaggerated event that I can "report" on rather than saying it right out. For example, the story Wilson Loses Arms, Says He's Fine got across my opinion of Wilson's game face better than just saying "You're hurt man, go to the doctor!" for the 50th time.

Sometimes an idea just strikes me as funny. When it was really getting apparent that Milton was not working out, I was thinking about how Casey had called him and Randa up in the off-season to talk them into coming to the Reds. The idea that Milton would be mad at Casey for convincing him to play for a losing team just cracked me up, and so I made it happen in New Reds Release Frustration on Casey.

Unfortunately, I'm often struck with puns, usually in the shower at the gym. I don't know if 30 minutes on the elliptical machine just gets the pun gland going or what, but that's where I was when I came up with the punch line for New Church Draws Fire for 'Insect Cruelty'.

Finally, several of my stories, such as Dude, Where's My Bat?, have been direct responses to stuff written by Joel at Reds and Blues.

How did you find our site?

It appeared in my referral links when Wally Mo Pena linked to the Reds Choose Your Own Adventure.

Are you more of a Freel fanatic than a Casey fanatic these days?

Wow, you really were paying attention. Casey was my first baseball love, and I'll never forget that. But yeah, I am on more of a Freel kick lately.

[Kingdom]

lmfao

[DirtyKash]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Red Hot Mama]

missionhockey21 demands to know:

Do you think people in general are driven more by their thoughts, their animalistic urges or a somewhat balanced version of both and why?

You mention mind and body; I would also add heart as a potential motivator of mankind. I think it has to be a mixture of all three, and it has to vary from person to person. Personally, I'm primary driven by my passions (heart) and usually back up those impulses with my thoughts (mind) before taking action. My physical extension into three-dimensional reality is pretty much only good for moving the heart and mind around. And maybe a little ogling.

Mr. Ed or KITT, who would make the better traveling partner? (Assume the travel time is not important but rather who would make the best companion on the trip.

I never watched Mr. Ed, but it wouldn't have mattered if I had: I was crazy about KITT and would ride in him anywhere.

If you could have a band play theme music for you, wherever you go, who would the band be and if you could list a short tracklist they would play during a specific situation? The band is not limited to their own music.

It's tempting to say Survivor, ala that Starbucks commercial where they follow around Roy, but I think the band would have to be Rockapella. They're off-beat and unexpected but have mad skills.

Songs they would perform for me would include:
* I Want Candy by Bow Wow Wow when standing in line at the movie theater
* Do You Really Want to Hurt Me by Culture Club when at the dentist
* Whip It by Devo when making meringue
* Money For Nothing by Dire Straits when finding the change someone left in the vending machine
* Our House by Madness when asked where I'm going to have dinner
* All I Need Is A Miracle by Mike + The Mechanics while watching Reds games.

[CincyRedsFan30]

I like your replies, Mama. Very well written. You really are a smart-##### female, aren't you?

[Red Hot Mama]

JinAZ, the first person to ever post a comment on Red Hot Mama and one of the little people I won't forget when I make it big, says:

I'm going to be fairly unoriginal, but I'll ask Tarantino questions:

1. Brady bunch or Partridge Family?

Brady Bunch. Just as much singing in vintage 70s gear, plus bonus Sam the Butcher.

2. Elvis or Beatles?

Well, I've always been a big fan of Michael J. Fox, who I hear is the anti-Elvis, therefore I guess I'll have to go with Beatles.

3. "Bewitched" or "I Dream of Jeannie"?

I'm having flashbacks to Wayne's World: something about Dick Sargent and Dick York. Which one was that?

[Red Hot Mama]

Now that I've answered all the questions you asked, I'll also answer the questions you didn't ask:
1) 24 and 42, respectively
2) Red
3) Hello Kitty
4) A tavern wench
5) When I was 17
6) Poison by Alice Cooper

Now go to sleep, kids. It's a school night, and it's past your bedtime.

[Kingdom]

Clearly #5 was answering when you first wore a bra.

[missionhockey21]

Nice job on the answers, very entertaining stuff RHM.

Thanks for answering mine BTW.

[DirtyKash]

Red Hot Mama, please pick someone for the next Hot Seat. Thanks.

[PacMan]

Dude, you're 14.

I expected such response, but I just had to do it.