Hot Seat Answers #52 - ljshorty

[HollywoodLeo]

ljshorty, your Hot Seat questions have been asked in this thread. You have up to 7 days in which to answer these questions, should you choose to do so. Once you have done that, please select the next Hot Seat participant. Thank you for participating. The next Hot Seat (#53) will begin on Thursday, April 3rd, 2008, or when you're done answering, whichever comes first.

[ljshorty89]

Brownie:
1. How would you feel if the Mets let Jerry Seinfeld lead off at DH of a Spring Training game?
2. If you could have any of your favorite sports teams win a championship, who would it be?
3. Who would win in a battle to the death, (and briefly explain the battle): Dick Vitale, Johan Santana, Billy Crystal, the Dalai Lama, or Senator George Mitchell?

1-I would be slightly embarassed, but I'd hope for TWO foul tips
2-As tempting as it is for me to say the Mets, I think it would be ridiculously awesome to see Cuse win a Basketball Championship, and because I have a limited amount of time to be here for it, I'll choose that.
3-Johan Santana picks up a baseball and chucks it at Billy Crystal. Crystal manages to tip the ball foul, where it hits Dick Vitale in the throat, for the first elimination of the fight. Then, Senator Mitchell accuses Crystal of using steroids, and upon blood tests, blacklists him for life, Crystal disappears and is the next elimination. Senator Mitchell then attempts to accuse Johan Santana of the same offense, when he gets lit on fire by rabid Mets fans, and dies, the 3rd elimination. Finally, the Dalai Lama, late to the battle, walks in to face off against Johan. There is a stare off for about 2 minutes when Dick Vitale's ghost emerges from Heaven to ask the viewers of America if they're "serious". Vitale is just the distraction that the Dalai Lama needs, allowing him to tackle Johan, and use the People's (Republic of China) Elbow, destroying Johan's soul, and winning the battle.


Giantsfan5689:
1. Explain to me the thinking behind your username.
2. Who is your favorite athlete from any sport and any time period who is/was not on the Mets.
3. Who, at the beginning of the tournament, did you have for your NCAA final 4, and who did you have winning it all, with the score?

1-LJ are my first two initials, Louis Jordan. Shorty...well, I was short, and it was a nickname in elementary school. And 1989 is the year I was born.
2-My first instinct was Kenny George, just for sheer awe of his size, but I think the real answer is probably either Larry Johnson(the initials, and the 4 point play) or Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar(cricketer for India) just for his sheer superiority.
3-My final 4 was UNC, UCLA, Texas, Georgetown. I had UNC beating UCLA by a score of 74-69

Kingdom_Of_Zito:
1. Jim Rome or Tony Kornheiser for President?
2. Other than steals, what's so great about Jose Reyes?
3. Who's going to improve on their 2007 season the most, Oliver Perez or John Maine?

1-I'd have to say Tony Kornheiser, just because I ABHOR Jim Rome. Rome is an annoying, condescending, irritating man, who isn't that funny, who should have his show taken away from him....BUT PLEASE, don't let Jemele Hill replace him.
2-Well, my first reaction is kind of cheap. Speed. It's speed on the bases, that even when he doesn't steal, he distracts the pitcher, and he can score on almost any play. But you must also realize his cannon of an arm, his very very good defense, and the energy he brings to a game are so exciting. He is an MVP of the Mets just because he makes them go. He loosens everyone up. He is the glue that holds us together.
3-I would say Oliver Perez. The two reasons behind this are: 1) he is in a contract year, and 2) John Maine was incredible last year, whereas Perez can improve simply by walking fewer batters. For Maine to improve, he would have to have 15+ wins and an ERA at 3.20 or lower, whereas Perez needs 15+ wins and an ERA under 3.75

Doppelganger:
1-Who is your daddy and what does he do?
2-If it bleeds, can you kill it?
3-You don't know what the problem is, are you sure it can be solved without resorting to violence?

1-My daddy is a manager at Restoration Hardware. I realize that you were not asking literally, but I gave it to you anyway.
2-Yes.
3-Yes, because violence only begets more violence. I'm not much of a fighter, and to be completely honest, I see no purpose to fighting. I think that all problems can be resolved through communication, assuming both sides are willing to allow it.

Dry1313:
Favorite brand of Liquor and why.
Who do you hate more, brownie or gf? I want a serious analysis.
**** (beat his ass down), Marry (long term deal), Kill (kill): Pedro Martinez, Carlos Delgado, Moises Alou

1-Considering that I don't drink, I can't really answer that.
2-Well, both are Yankee fans, both are Giants fans, and both date Red Sox fans. So, I can't use any of my usual information to analyze this. Brownie is a fellow Long Islander. So, since they're pretty much the same person otherwise, I guess I'll give a slight edge to Brownie.
3-
Beat his ass down-Moises Alou...he pisses on his hands!
Kill-Carlos Delgado...he NEEDS to stop swinging at pitches that trail down and away.
Marry-Pedro Martinez...despite the overtones, he would make everything funny and entertaining

DirtyKash:
1. Situation analysis #1: You are living in an apartment with your girlfriend whom you love very much. You guys have been together for 5 years, and have lived together for the last 6 months. One afternoon, she returns home, has you sit down on the couch next to her and tells you, "ljshorty, I can't see you anymore. I'm a lesbian." What do you do and say?
2. Situation analysis #2: Your pregnant girlfriend just gave birth to sextuplets. That's six kids. There are 2 boys and 4 girls. As a result of the difficult pregnancy, your girlfriend died immediately after giving birth. The question is, what do you name these six children? As a dying wish, your girlfriend asked you not to give them regular boring names like "John" or "Mary", but cool and unusual names.
3. Situation analysis #3: You are a 16-year old virgin who has never had a girlfriend before. One day, while riding on a bike, you are hit by a bus. At the hospital, the doctor tells you that you have gone blind. You will never be able to see again. Essentially, your eyes are useless. Two years later, medical breakthroughs have now made it possible for blind people to see. The only problem? In order for the procedure to work, your testicles have to be removed. Forever. You will never be able to have them re-attached. What do you choose? Testicles or vision?

1-I would probably be really disturbed, and a little upset. I'd probably try to maintain my cool, but I'd likely end up just walking out.
2-(Milman's my last name)
-Winner Milman-73% of kids named winner have become millionaires
-Orangepeel Milman-stolen from a friend from Jr High. Awesome name!
-Kristof Ongeneat Milman-How can I go wrong with naming my son after the Belgian Waffle?
-Danger Milman
-Storm Milman
-Clitoris Milman...self explanatory
3-Hmm. My first reaction was, without testicles, I would regain my sight and still be able to have sex. The flaw being that I would never be able to have children. However, I would tell the doctor to take a sperm sample to be put in storage for future use, and then if necessary use in vitro fertilization to have children. And I could still have unlimited amounts of sex without worry of impregnation.

HollywoodLeo:
1 - Mets win the WS in 2008, but finish last place every year til 2020 thereafter? Or Mets win the NL East every year from 2008 till 2020 but never win the World Series in that timespan?
2 - Would you give up sports, and all things sports related for a million bucks? This means you can't watch any on TV, participate in any yourself, or discuss sports via the internet or with friends. This is a hypothetical question so don't overburden yourself with wondering how this would be enforced. "I'd take the money and watch it anyways" isn't the answer I'm looking for.
3 - Johan Santana or Jake Peavy?

1-I would take the World Series, just because I've never seen a championship for my team in any sport. Despite the losses down the road, I would pick the World Series now.
2-I could never survive without sports. In fact, if I had to, I already have someone who has volunteered to just put me out of my misery.
3- Johan Santana. He's lefty. He's pitched against better teams than Peavy has over the last few years. If you give Santana the same circumstances, he'd dominate.

[ljshorty89]

PS: Giantsfan5689 is my choice for next Hot Seat

[NYgiantsfan5689]

These are great answers LJ, nice job. I find your death match hilarious. And Brownie and I are pretty much the same person. Good job.

[DirtyKash]

Excellent answers. 8/10.

I'm not sure if the authorities would accept "Clitoris" as a name for a child; up here, they have laws against giving your kids unusual names. Several years ago, some mother here wanted to name her kid "Spatula", and the government blocked it. Don't know how those things work in the U.S.

[NYgiantsfan5689]

I'm not sure if the authorities would accept "Clitoris" as a name for a child; up here, they have laws against giving your kids unusual names. Several years ago, some mother here wanted to name her kid "Spatula", and the government blocked it. Don't know how those things work in the U.S.

What kind of sick evil lady would do that to her child? Spatula?! That shit's fuc*ed. I think that could almost constitute as child abuse lol

[Kingdom]

But they'll let a couple name their twins Brett and Favre? And Shannyn Sossamon gets to name her kid Audioscience?

[HollywoodLeo]

What's wrong with naming your twins Brett and Favre?

It's not like there's anything atrociously wrong with those names.

I mean, you ask that like as though that's worse than "Spatula"

If you're in the 4th grade and one kid comes up to you and introduces himself as "Spatula" and another kid introduces himself as "Favre" you're going to make fun of Favre and not Spatula?

[DirtyKash]

You're gonna make fun of both.