Greatest Simpsons Quotes

[Saber]

If the Bible has taught us nothing (and it hasn't), it's that guys should stick to guy sports, and girls should stick to girl sports, like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

[DirtyKash]

Marge: You sound like you're going to buy a pony. Promise me you won't.
Homer: Mm.
Marge: What was that? Was that a yes or a no?
Homer: Ba!
Marge: Those aren't even words!
Homer: Snuh!

[DirtyKash]

Hutz: Well, I didn't win the case, so your pizza's free.
Lisa: But we won the case.
Hutz: That's okay, the box is empty.

[DirtyKash]

Lisa: But you have recruiting ads on TV. Why do you need subliminal messages?
Smash: It's a three-pronged attack. Subliminal, liminal, and superliminal.
Lisa: Superliminal?
Smash: I'll show you. (opens window) Hey, you! Join the Navy!
Carl: Uh, yeah, all right.
Lenny: I'm in.

[missionhockey21]

This is from when Bart was going to Cypress Creek Elementary:

Mr. Doyle- So, you never learned cursive?
Bart- Um, well, I know hell, damn, bit...
Mr. Doyle- Cursive handwriting. Script. Do you know the multiplication tables? Long division?
Bart- I know OF them.
Mr. Doyle- You know, Bart, I think you'd profit from a more remedial enviroment. I'm sure you'll feel right at home in..... The "Leg-Up" Program.

[DirtyKash]

Carl: Hey Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?
Homer: Pffft! I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet.
Lenny: Heh. You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?

[DirtyKash]

Kent Brockman: Springfield will have its first annual "Do What You Feel" Festival this Saturday, whenever you feel like showing up! It'll be a welcome change from our annual, "Do As We Say" Festival started by German settlers in 1946.

[DirtyKash]

Lisa: Are you hiding something from me?
Homer: Like what?
Lisa: Judging from your song, you're infatuated with a woman named Mindy. Or a man named Andy.
Homer: Lisa, look out behind you!
Lisa: Dad, I'm not gonna fall for that.
Homer: No, Lisa, I swear to you: I'm 100% completely serious! You've got to turn around right now before it's too late!
Lisa: (turns around) Huh?
Homer: (runs away) Sucker!

[DirtyKash]

Audtions to find Mr. Burns' heir.

Homer: OK, boy, I wrote down exactly what to say. Just read it and you're a shoo-in!
Bart (reads card): Hello, Mr. ... Kurns. I bad want ... money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card reads good.
Bart: So pick ... please me, Mr. Burns.
Homer: It's "Kurns", stupid!

[DirtyKash]

Did anyone watch the new Halloween episode of the Simpsons yesterday? I have not laughed this much since season 13 or so.

Apu (after being turned into a rabbit): "Haha! You cannot kill a Hindu!"
(gets caught in rabbit trap)
Apu: "Aaah! Help me Jesus!"

also, when everyone is at Mr. Burns' house... Mr Burns pulls out a shotgun:

Mr. Burns: "I'll give you a 5 minute head start."
Comic Book Guy: "5 minutes of running! Kill me now!"

[Lynch]

I missed it, but from reading the quotes, it sounds good. The Apu one just about made me LOL.

[Halladay_is_God]

the rest of the special wasn't that great

[missionhockey21]

The first skit, BI, was really great IMO. It went downhill from there but it was still a solid Treehouse of Horror. Season 17 so far hasn't been as great as I had hoped but it seems to be a step in the right direction.

Marge: You guys' are the world's worst cops!
Chief Wiggum: No! Now that I'm off duty... I'm the world's worst soccer coach! Heh...

[DirtyKash]

Just rewatched the Shary Bobbins episode from Season 8. This has to be up there as one of the greatest episodes ever. Some of the funniest parodies, great songs and funny quotes.

Shary: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
Homer: Did you say Mary Po...
Shary: No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck.

[DirtyKash]

"I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook and by gum it put them on the map!"