Picking off runners at 1st base - Diamond Directions

[Thomas3]

Hello my students! Today, we're going to discuss the proper way to pick off those annoying rear end pains that your sluggish arm allowed to get on base. Now of course, this could have been avoided had you of just struck him out with a 112 MPH breaking ball as I do, but unfortunately, you lack that God given skill. Because of your failure in baseball, and most likely life, I will teach you my all raining pick off technique. First off, realize your failure and punch yourself in the groin 1 to 2 times. Now that you've properly punished your ignorant self, you must turn towards the first baseman and let him know you want to pick off the runner. This can be done by giving him the look of death. Maybe insult his family a few times to get the point across. Now that your first baseman is in position, you need a distraction. Usually something ugly or hideous does the job pretty well. I tend to use my unwashed supporter, but in your case, your face will do just fine. If the runner does not pass out immediately, you'll have to move on. Now that he's distracted, you need merely ole the ball over to first base. If your first baseman drops the ball, feel free to run over and give him a royal ass beating on the field for making you look bad. Assuming this does not happen, he will tag the runner, and he will be out. Thanks for listening kids. Have a terrible day!

This has been Diamond Directions with Thomas3

[HollywoodLeo]

I seriously want to know who the man behind the curtain is here.

[HafDawg2003]

He's a wee bit odd.

[Tobywan]

I was thinking more about the hospital staff that is looking for him.

[Cyanatic]

I seriously want to know who the man behind the curtain is here.

Well it's not me. And I'm not so sure I want to know.

[zodious]

Quality advice, now tell me the intricacies of the hit and run...