Ask Hal on Baseball: With which wine is newsprint best served?

By Hal McCoy

Dayton Daily News

QUESTION — You referred to Barry Larkin as a glorified mascot for the Washington Nationals. Doesn't matter, captain or mascot, his team is in last place again. — Dave, Miamisburg/Centerville/Beavercreek

ANSWER — Dave, your inaccuracies amaze me, but don't surprise me. Not once in Larkin's years, 1986 to 2004, did the Reds finish last. They were next-to-last three times, but never last. And the Nationals may be last as of this writing, but they're only five games out of first place, which is better than being next-to-last and 21 1/2 out. Do the math. I'll show you how to count on your fingers.


Q — My twins are 6 years old, live for the Cincinnati Reds and want uniforms of their favorite player. I would like the shirts to be a player who will be a Red next year, or at least next week. Who is safe? — Doug, Dayton

A — How about Johnny Bench? He was a Red 40 years ago, he is a Red right now and he'll be a Red after he dies and goes back to where God made Oklahoma. If you mean a current player, who knows what evil lurks in the heart of GM Dan O'Brien? I'd say buy some Reds shirts with no names and numbers and iron them on next year.


Q — Forget about Ken Griffey Jr. hitting 35 home runs or Adam Dunn hitting 45 home runs. Will pitcher Aaron Harang hit his age this season? — Rob, St. Louis

A — Well, at last glance, no, he won't, unless he one-ups Ponce De Leon and discovers the Fountain of Youth. He is 27 and it is pretty certain he won't discover a couple of hits. He should preserve his pitching energy by walking to the plate carrying a toothpick instead of a bat. He would be just as likely to get a hit, even though he broke his 0-for-49 spell with a single Friday in Pittsburgh. That raised his average to 34, or .034, seven points above his age. But bet on the under.


Q — What is the most unusual Reds defensive alignment you have witnessed, and Wily Mo Pena is exempt from consideration? — Bill, Cincinnati

A — OK, not counting Wily Mo playing defense anywhere, it was when Johnny Bench's knees wouldn't permit him to catch anymore and he switched to third base. Just the thought of the world's greatest catcher playing third base was perplexing, like Heifitz playing the harmonica. And it didn't go well. Bench was not happy when I wrote, "Johnny Bench is doing a sensational imitation of a croquet wicket playing third base." He thought I was doing a sensationally poor imitation of a baseball writer.


Q — I have been impressed with David Weathers as a closer. He gets people out. Is he the answer to the closer question next year? — Michael Dayton

A — The closer question is not a question. It's answered. When Weathers made his 55th appearance this year, his contract was vested, meaning he is a guaranteed a contract next year. Not only has the guy teammates call "Stormy" kept the ninth-inning seas pretty calm, he is a veteran leader, somebody the young guys emulate. And most of the bullpen probably will be young again next year, so it stands to reason he'll be closing again. He's too expensive to be Dan O'Brien's chauffeur.


Q — Who would be the ace of the Reds pitching staff if the season ended today? — Mark, Beavercreek

A — That's like asking how many voyages the Titanic would have made had it not sunk. The team has no ace. The closest right now is Brandon Claussen, 5-0 and his last six starts and acting as if he still pitches for the New York Yankees. But that 4-8 start excludes him from ace status. For the Reds, it is more like Ace bandages.


Q — Where is Ben Weber? I heard he was optioned to Class AAA Louisville. Why? And will we see him again this year? — Mark, Dayton

A — When Louisville's season ends in September, you can see him at his home in Beaumont, Texas, because you won't see him in Cincinnati — not this year, not next year, not ever. Why not? 0-0, 8.03 ERA, 20 hits in 12 1/3 innings, that's why.


Q — Congratulations, you no longer have to worry about what newspapers taste like, and it is nice to see Ken Griffey Jr. having a good year after everyone thought he was done. — Kyle, Dayton

A — I never thought he was done, which is why when he had zero home runs in April I wrote a column and said if he stayed healthy he would hit 30 home runs this year or I would eat the column publicly on Courthouse Square. It wasn't such a bold offer. Actually, I like newsprint and have it often wrapped around beef, lettuce, onions, red peppers and sour cream. It goes best with blush wine.


Q — With Danny Graves designated for assignment by the New York Mets, any chance he might accept an offer from the Reds to go down to the minors and get himself right? — Michael, Columbus

A — About as much chance as I have of winning the Nobel Peace Prize. First of all, the minor-league season ends this week and it will take an Act of Zeus to straighten out Graves. And after he was dumped by the Reds, he burned enough bridges behind him to span the Ohio River 20 times. The Reds are the last team that would offer him anything more than, "Don't call us and we won't call you."


Q — In a game last week against the Nationals, why didn't manager Jerry Narron have Edwin Encarnacion, who was struggling, bunt with no outs and the bases loaded to stay out of a double play? — Greg, Fairborn

A — In my 33 years of covering baseball, I have never seen a manager bunt with the bases loaded and no outs (or one out or two outs), but I may have been slathering ketchup on a hot dog and missed it. As for Encarnacion, he had homered and doubled the day before. If that's struggling, let me struggle through life.


Q — It looks as if Jason Standridge has turned back into a pumpkin, doesn't it? — Parsin, Dayton

A — I didn't know he started out as a pumpkin. I can see a little potato in him, maybe some squash, but not a pumpkin. Yeah, he has hit a little rough spot, just as David Weathers and Kent Mercker did early in the season. They ripened nicely, so let's not throw Standridge back into the patch just yet.


Q — Do you think Jose Guillen even enjoys the game of baseball? — Michael, Harrisburg, Pa.

A — He enjoys sliding spikes-high into Atlanta's Chipper Jones and into Cincinnati's Rich Aurilia. He enjoys heaving bats through clubhouse walls. He enjoys annoying managers and teammates. If he didn't play baseball, how could he do all that?


Q — What do you think about putting Eric Milton in the bullpen like the A's did with Dennis Eckersley? — Costa, Dayton

A — I fear there would be too many ninth-inning, game-winning home runs like one-legged Kurt Gibson hit off Eckersley to win Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. Oh, that's not fair. Milton is 3-1 over his last five starts and has given up only one homer in his last two starts. The Reds don't need a closer, they need starters, effective starters, good starters.


Q — Can you do all of us a favor and quit answering the idiotic questions of Dave from Miamisburg/Centerville/Beavercreek? — Rick, Englewood/Englewood/Englewood

A — What, deprive Dave of his life? Andy Warhol said everybody has five minutes of fame. Dave's is five minutes, every Sunday. I'd hate to see the poor guy reduced to punching beaver statues near his home.