Greatest Simpsons Quotes

[missionhockey21]

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

[missionhockey21]

Teacher: Don't you get it. If you get rid of that bird, Burns is at your mercy!
Homer: Get rid of a bird? No way! Their eyes are so expressive!
Teacher: Fool! You've learned absolutely nothing from my one hour class!

[Porter]

Bart: This is to the greatest entertainer in the world.....except for maybe that guy

Johnny Carson is balancing Grandpa Simpson and his buddy on a bench while tap dancing and playing the accordion to the theme of the Simpsons.

[missionhockey21]

Heh... And in the episode with Ray Magini, Homer pictures what would happen if he were to drink and drive, and he came to the conclusion that he'd be President. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Yeah, that was great.

Another funny bit was when Homer woke up in the mental hospital, strapped down and such and his first line was "Hey! What's going on? Where's my shoes?"

[missionhockey21]

Lisa: Dad, why are you singing?
Homer's Brain: Tell a lie, tell a lie!
Homer: Mmm.. because I have a small role in a broadway musical. It's not much but it's a start.
Homer's Brain: Bra-vo! *clap clap*

[riverdunesrat]

From tonights first episode...

Homer to Flanders: Why are you wearing shorts in the shower?
Flanders: So I don't have to see my own shrinkydink. :p

LOLOLOLOL

[riverdunesrat]

In the first opening tonight Bart wrote on the chalkboard:

BOOGERS ARE NOT BOOKMARKS

LOLOL


In the second opening when they all rush for the couch, they were baloons and Homer landed on his head on the cat, who immediately scratched and hissed at him and awwwwaaaaayyyy went the Homer baloon.........LMAO

The Homer line about once you go Vatican you can't go back again.....was funny....

[DirtyKash]

Officer Lou: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.

Chief Wiggum: Ah, forget it, that's 6 blocks away.

Lou (squinting): I think there's beer coming out of the chimney.

Chief Wiggum (rushes out of car): I'm proceeding on foot, call in a code 7!

Lou (on walkie-talkie): We need pretzels, I repeat, pretzels.

[missionhockey21]

Lisa: Thank you, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa. For teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.

[DirtyKash]

Ralph: "Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!"



http://lavender.fortunecity.com/halloween/152/wavs2/supernintendochalmers.wav

[missionhockey21]

Sea Captain: Welcome to the Ship of...Lost Souls!
Homer: The back of the ship says "Honeybunch".
Sea Captain: Yargh, I've been meaning to paint that over.

[DirtyKash]

Kent Brockman: ... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

[realmofotalk]

Ghost: I am the spirit of Cesar Chavez.
Homer: Why do you look like Cesar Romero?
Ghost: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez look like.

[Taylor]

Homer: Oh, everything’s too darned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks, and talk about preachy book! Everyone in this book’s a sinner...Except for this one guy.

[McKain]

Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry!
Darryl: Yes
Homer: You play right field!
Darryl: Yes.
Homer: I play right field!
Darryl: So?
Homer: Are you better than me?
Darryl: Well, I've never met you before, but....yes.