Greatest Simpsons Quotes

[Kearns Krew]

Homer: Please please, I wanna make the team! Clemens, did I make the team?
Clemens: You sure did!
Homer: I did? Woohoo! Woohoo! In your face Strawberry
Clemens: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey Jr.?
Homer: No...
Clemens: Sorry, didn't mean to give your hopes up

lmao

[Lynch]

One of my all-time favorite Homer quotes:


Homer: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Lisa are you saying you're not going to eat any meat again?
Lisa: No
Homer: what about pork chops?
Lisa: No
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Bacon?!
Lisa (perturbed): Dad! They all come from the same animal!
Homer (sarcastically): Yes Lisa, (heh heh heh) a wonderful, magical animal.

[Lynch]

Homer is the bomb. Greatest character ever!

"My Bologna has a first name. It's H-O-M-E-R, my bologna has a second name. It's H-O-M-E-R"

[Lynch]

And of course, that Do-Ra-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do song:



Doh - the stuff that buys me beer

Ray - the guy who sells me beer

Me - the guy who drinks the beer

Far - a long way to get beer

So - I'll have another beer

La - I'll have another beer

Tea - no thanks I'm drinking beer



That will bring us back to [looks down into empty beer glass and slaps forehead] D'OH!!

[missionhockey21]

Homer: You know, I've had a lot of jobs: boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby proofer, trucker, hippy, plough driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, drifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country western manager, garbage commisioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe, and missionary, but protecting Springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all.

I love that.

[missionhockey21]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a
communist, but he is not a porn star.

[Saber]

I call the big one Bitey.

[realmofotalk]

Snake: Yo, empty the register, dude!
Apu: Okay, okay you are the boss. :pushes button:
Loud Voice: SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!

[Lynch]

Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?
Bart: Milhouse has one.
Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...
Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there.

[Lynch]

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist!?!

[Providence A's]

(Bart thinking about his future being a cafeteria worker at Springfield Elementary)

Bart: Eat your creamed corn Jimbo, jr.
Jimbo, jr: This creamed corn tastes like creamed crap
Bart: Watch the potty mouth

[DirtyKash]

In the episode where Lisa has a rival in class named Allison who is smarter than her... Lisa's at her house and meets Allison's dad.

Allison's father: Hi, Lisa, I'm Alison's father, Professor Taylor. I've heard great things about you.
Lisa: Oh, really? I ...
Taylor: Oh, don't be modest. I'm glad we have someone who can join us in our anagram game.
Allison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person.
Allison's father: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.
Allison's father: Ho ho, very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: [thinks] Jeremy's ... iron.
Allison's father: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. [gives Lisa a red ball] Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

[Saber]

He robbed the school of Tito!

[missionhockey21]

Chief Wiggum arrives at the ring toss game.

Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys. But, I got a few
complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: And how?
Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little
uh, understanding here.
Homer: [monotone] I understand.
Bart: Um, hey dad, I.. I.. think he wants..
Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, <Bill>.
Have you seen any <Bills> around here?
Homer: No, he's Bart.
Wiggum: [frustrated] Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak,
okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for [wink] is Mr. <Bribe>. [wink,
wink]
Homer: [clueless]..... It's a Ring Toss game.

[DirtyKash]

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