Kingdom

Since the previous blog, it appears Derek Fisher will be meeting with Pat Riley. Nice ploy to get their hopes up, I'm sure. You're wanted in LA, Kobe wants to have your babies, and you have a golden chance at title #6.. a pair of 3-peats. And then you can retire after that and work on TV. But who knows?

The pool of shooters was pretty laughable, however, Mike Miller appears to be joining the fray in place of Michael Beasley. That gives them at least one reliable shooter on the depth chart. They probably need one more. The hardest position Miami is going to have to fill is worthwhile big men to log 6 fouls and be some kind of presence in the middle. The "greatest thing since sliced cheese" Chris Bosh doesn't exactly impose his will downlow. Unfortunately, there's not many out there willing to take nothing to chase a title. Shaquille O'Neal has already hit South Beach. The Heat drafted a monster sized big in Dexter Pittman, and a shot blocker in Jarvis Varnado. It might come down to them logging meaningful minutes and just hope for something positive. Who knows. Let's see what tall pieces of crap are going to be available:


Centers of Attention:

Theo Ratliff- what's more crazy? That fact he played last season, or the fact he averaged more blocks per game than Chris Bosh in just 22 mpg? He's ancient, he fouls a lot, he blocks shots, perfect corpse for the Heat.

Kwame Brown- Darko just signed a ridiculous contract, Kwame is probably thinking he could still get one. If not, sign for a dollar to carry on the chances of supreme draft busts winning championships (i.e. Darko, Adam Morrison).

Ben Wallace- I thought he was retiring, like 2 years ago. Maybe not.

Jamaal Magloire- Former all-star. Former... all-star. That will always kill me.

Nathan Jawai- I have no idea who he is, but he's freaking HUGE, his face looks like the black Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, annnnndd he's from Sydney.

Tony Battie- The well traveled Batman... has.. well, traveled, a lot. Back in '97, he was the 5th pick. How'd that work out?

Josh Boone- I imagine someone will pay him, cause his numbers aren't far off from the immortal Amir Johnson's

Joel Anthony- His name was previously dropped by Lebron, so that means he's the key here. Joel Anthony, starting center for the Heat. Wooooooosh!

Kurt Thomas- He's always wanting to win a title, and someone always signs him for depth, then suddenly he's starting and logging major minutes. He's also roughly 70 years old

Zydrunas Ilgauskas- This goes one of two ways.. he's inspired by Dan Gilbert, and returns to Cleveland or he's Lebron's foreign slave and follows him to Miami.


"Specialty" Players

C Johan Petro- His specialty? Being extremely bald. And he speaks French. Cause he's French.

PF Jon Brockman- Don't confuse the big white guy for Brian Cardinal or the guy in Boston I'm forgetting about. This man will rebound and foul like no other in 10-15 minutes a game.

PF Louis Amundson- Specialty... the hair. He's reaching Scot Pollard legend.

SF Brian Scalabrine- This is the guy I couldn't think of just above. Yeah, token white guy who plays random minutes for contenders. Winner.

SF Rodney Carney- He runs fast, he has track and field blood in his genes. When the Heat start a relay team..

SF Matt Barnes- I don't see this happening, he can get decent money from another contender and despite bouncing from team to team, he's fiery with some skill. But because the ESPN "know it alls" mentioned him, I might as well cover my ass.

SG Jerry Stackhouse- If he hasn't retired, why not bring his specialty of drawing fouls to South Beach? He doesn't have a title, right?...

PG Earl Boykins- We all need him in our lives. Hell, he could challenge Chalmers even.

PG Will Bynum- At times, he looked better than Joe Dumars poster child- Rodney Stuckey. Detroit should keep him. If not, here's a backup PG for you.

PG Shaun Livingston- Wasn't he the next Magic Johnson until his knee died? Well, he could serve as a reminder to the trio... be careful, your legs could go at any time.