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DirtyKash ranks the 10 Canadian Provinces

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I will now reveal my unbiased rankings of the 10 Canadian provinces from worst to best.

10. Manitoba - Like, seriously. What is there in Manitoba that's noteworthy? Nothing. Nothing whatsoever. Manitoba has way too many lakes, it's always cold and boring. They used to have the Winnipeg Jets, but they moved. They have the CFL's Blue Bombers, but that team always stinks and their uniforms are ugly. Also, I once spent 3 days in Winnipeg and nearly died of boredom.

9. Newfoundland and Labrador - Newfoundland and Labrador is such a reject of a province that they have their own time zone. They are located so far to the east and so far up north that everyone usually disregards them. Plus, they're always the butt of everyone's jokes. We Canadians specialize in newfie jokes. N&L was also the last Canadian province to join the Confederation, so they haven't fully gained everyone's respect yet.

8. Saskatchewan - Saskatchewan is slightly less boring than Manitoba, but it is still very boring. The land is flat, the people are homely yet mundane, and there really isn't anything to do there. I know, I spent 4 weeks for an internship in Regina.

7. Prince Edward Island - The fact that Prince Edward Island is even a province is a joke. PEI is so small that it makes Rhode Island look big. But what it does have going for it is that Ann of Green Gables was filmed there. Otherwise, PEI doesn't really have anything noteworthy.

6. Nova Scotia - Nova Scotia is okay, I guess. But I really have nothing to say about Nova Scotia other than it has tons of fishes and fishermen. It also happens to be one of the few provinces that I've never been to. And I don't plan on going anytime soon. Just really see no point in doing so.

5. New Brunswick - As you can tell, I'm not a particularly huge fan of the Atlantic provinces. But New Brunswick is okay. I've been there twice. I've been to Moncton, to Fredericton, have spent some time in Shediac, and visited the beautiful Bay of Fundy with its rapidly rising tides. Also, Matt Stairs is from New Brunswick, so kudos for that. What I don't like about New Brunswick are the Acadians and the strange way they talk. It's just weird.

4. Quebec - If the entire province were like Montreal, it would rank much higher. Montreal is amazing, but the province gets dragged down by the entire northern part which is only comprised of inuits and scientists, and the non-Montreal population of assholes and douchebags.

3. Ontario - Ontario would usually rank much higher, but they can't because of the faux sense of entitlement of everyone in Toronto. That's the big problem with Ontario. Everyone in Toronto thinks that Toronto is the center of the universe. And really, they're not. Their NHL hockey team sucks. Their CFL team is atrocious. The baseball team dabbles in mediocrity. The basketball team is champion... of the choke job. One thing that Ontario has going for them is Niagara Falls. It's a nice place. Have to give them that.

2. British Columbia - B.C. is an amazing place. The weather is always warm and cozy, whether it's the winter or the summer. It has nice scenic parks and great wildlife. It has Whistler, one of the premier alpine skiing destinations in North America and even the world. But the downside is that it rains almost 200 days a year there. That's about it.

1. Alberta - Unquestionably the greatest Canadian province. Alberta has cows. Alberta has cowboys. Alberta has two well-respected NHL and CFL teams. Alberta is also home to Banff, one of the most scenic mountain regions in the world, as well as Jasper, equally as scenic. Alberta also has the advantage of having very low tax rates; no sales tax, low gas prices, low property taxes, low income tax rates, etc. Downside: it gets really cold in Alberta in the winter. Like, really cold.



Updated 04-27-2010 at 08:38 PM by DirtyKash

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  1. Kingdom's Avatar
    I remember when you ranked the 7 continents.

    By the way, Banff is a place? And not a typo?
  2. Foster's Avatar
    That "Franglais" that these people in New Brunswick speak is weird.
    I'll take the 5 spot, knowing that with a big push, we could be top 3.
    We are a high level prospect.
  3. Kingdom's Avatar
    You could also fail like a Ruben Mateo.
  4. Foster's Avatar
    Also, I would like to point out that Newfoundland and Labrador could out drink anyone from anywhere. I dare someone to take them on in a drinking contest. Newfie Screech FTW!!!!
  5. DirtyKash's Avatar
    Do the newfies get liquored up because there's nothing to do there? Plus, it's so cold. Drowning in their sorrows.
  6. Foster's Avatar
    Fish all day, drink all night.
    That's their motto.
  7. Kingdom's Avatar
    I think that's Matt Stairs' motto as well.
  8. Foster's Avatar
    No you are thinking of the other 4 letter F word.
  9. realmofotalk's Avatar
    Montreal is amazing, but the province gets dragged down by the entire northern part which is only comprised of inuits and scientists, and the non-Montreal population of assholes and douchebags.
    Are you referring to Quebec City?
  10. DirtyKash's Avatar
    No, just everyone who lives outside of the Montreal area.
  11. realmofotalk's Avatar
    which includes people who lives in Quebec City.