Saber's Intoxicated Ramblings

Inspiration: Two Sam Adams Black Lagers and some creme brulee liqueur

Saw the Brewers put a whooping on the Cubs on Saturday. Cecil Fielder had himself a big 'ole boy, and mercy, can he hit.

Rickie Weeks is a skinny black guy? Huh.

What, no more talk about Chris Shelton is the greatest first baseman ever? You mean what happens so early in the year isn't that big a deal?

Delmon Young is a headcase. If he's lucky, he becomes Albert Belle. Not even Joey was that crazy in the minors.

Bonds is hitting again. He must be on the steroids. Or maybe he's just really ****ing good.

The Cubs are screwed without Derrek Lee. I mean, their offense had problems anyway, but you can't replace that kind of production with Todd Walker or, even worse, Neifi Perez.

Family Guy isn't that funny anymore. It's just reinforcing your little liberal beliefs now.

Redheads are crazy. Great lays, but crazy. I'm seeing her again tonight. She's a volleyball playing med student.

If any team is a total disaster, it's the Royals. I'm sure that one guy wrote a compelling article on the subject, but honestly, I wasn't paying attention.

Every AA left-handed control freak who can't break 85 is going to be the next Jamie Moyer. I'll put money on it.

If Marcus Vick were named Marcus Johnson, no one would give a shit about him.

Matt Leinart is the white Steve Young.

I showed up to my law school tour hung over, ten minutes late, dressed in jeans and a button down shirt. The other person on tour was some girl who came hundreds of miles and was dressed to the nines. I almost felt guilty, especially since she was an applicant and I already got a full ride.

Wins and Losses are unrealistic measures of a pitcher's success for the same reasons RBI are. That is because both W-L and RBI rely on other guys on your team to get them.

Finally: When all else fails, lower your standards.

Also: Go nail a redhead.