More Madness than a Milkshake

Part Four: With Madness Comes Milkshakes

It's a staple of pure imagination, because well know nothing in this tournament would ever happen. It doesn't stop me from creating something of a spectacle in my head. Everything needs brackets and playoffs, life would never be the same without it. Questions I've faced:

1. Is it hurting you to have the Empire as well as Boston make it this far?

Realistically, yes, it is. Boston has won two world series in recent memory and I never want to see the yankees win anything, even fake tournaments. But let's be honest, they have good players and specifically, they have good players that are perfect for small playoff series. David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez bleed clutch. Curt Schilling really does bleed, and he's a big game pitcher. Josh Beckett is a legend IMO just based on what he did in 2003 and 2007, Jack Morris smiles everytime Beckett pitches in the playoffs. And there's Papelbon. The yankees still have Derek Jeter, who when he combines the power of all five of his majestic rings, you get Captain Crazy Amazing Play Out of Nowhere. Rivera still exists. As does Posada and Matsui. Both teams are old, filled with ridiculous contracts, and are injury plagued BUT they are short term playoff machines.

2. What would you have liked to see different?

Being completely honest, I really wanted Tampa Bay to go far, and I mean, far. When I was collecting my ideas together for this piece, I originally had Tampa making it to the finals. As a spoiler, and tease, the team Tampa played in the finals will still make the finals. (I had Tampa winning in six against this team). Ultimately I could not put a team led by Freddy A. Garcia in the finals, as much fun as it would have been. I just could not justify the end all upsets they would have pulled. I have my limits.

3. What's with all the homeruns?

I realize Bonds, Ethier, Utley and etc. are or were on insane paces. But consider the neutral sites, none of the parks the teams have been playing at are really pitching friendly. Even before I decided who got Bonds, I decided he'll have trimmed down thanks to Nutri-System (wait for the commercial to pop up on ESPN 17) and become this 40 plus year old monster that's clean of any possible enhancing substance. Ask him, he says milk does a body good.

4. Why is there a lack of upsets?

Several reasons, first, keep in mind there are only 30 major league baseball teams, so quickly we're down on the limit of potential upsets. Second reason, honestly, some of the lowest seeds are awful on paper. I'm not sure how they end up faring in real life, but I can't buy a team like San Francisco or Texas pulling out upsets. And finally, the top seeds were really, really good. As it stands, I eliminated two number one seeds, and kept a 3 and two 4's. I'm saying that's exciting.

5. What's next?

I'll promise three things. You will not see the finals coming. You will not see Boston vs. The Evil Empire. And you will an incredible single game performance that should put anyone in the legendary stratosphere.


Todd Hollandsworth Region

1 Boston vs. 2 Arizona
Just to remind everyone, there hasn't been anything Justin Upton has failed to steal. And Danny Haren has not broken into a sweat pitching. Meanwhile, Boston is what Boston does. Game 1 is Brandon Webb and Josh Beckett. Beckett quickly sits down the batting order through three innings. Webb gives up a solo shot in the second inning to JD Drew. Both pitchers would continue to dominate through the 7th. Webb runs into trouble by walking Ellsbury, followed by a Pedroia single. Man Ram rips a double off the wall, scoring Ellsbury but Pedroia is gunned down by Byrnes/Hudson at home. Cut to the top the 8th inning, Young gets a leadoff double on Beckett. We join Joe Buck and Al Leiter to call the Upton at-bat: "Well, Joe, I think Beckett will be done after Upton. It's obvious Okajima is ready to come in" "Likely the case, Al. Upton digs in, and here's the 1-1 pitch from Beckett. Upton swings and he gets a piece, wait Al, HE GETS MORE THAN a piece it's a homerun and I think I'm boring the home audience" "Yawn" ....Upton tied in the 8th. In the bottom half, Lugo hits a triple off of Tony Pena. Varitek knocks him in with a single. In the top of the 9th, Papelbon quickly shuts the door with a 1-2-3. Game 2 pits Danny Haren against Dice-K (I'm too lazy to even look up the proper spelling, so sue me). Haren continues going unblemished. In the first, Dice K gets lit up by back to back doubles from Young and Upton. Reynolds hits a 2 run shot, and Boston trails 3-0. In the 5th, with two men on, Reynolds hits a blast that's just barely knocked down by JD Drew but still drives in the runners. Haren continues breezing and pitches a complete game shut out, allowing only 2 hits. Game 3, well, I just HAD to do this, Schilling faces the Big Unit. I don't care if they're 60, it's a "bloody" good matchup. Schilling tries working the corners and paints a nice picture through 5 innings. Johnson gets hit hard in the third when Ellsbury crushes one down the line that manages to stay fair- 2 nothing Bostonians. Schilling finishes up six strong, but in the 7th Timlin falters when Stephen Drew breaks out a slump by roping an RBI double. In the 8th, Manny Delcarmen doesn't get out of a jam by walking Jackson- bringing home Byrnes. In the top of the 9th, Ortiz crushes a Chad Qualls fastball to break the tie. In the bottom of the 9th, Arizona begins a rally when Young leads off with a single, and stealing second. Upton gets plunked by a pitch. Papelbon regains composure to strike out Reynolds and Jackson. With Drew up, he hits a fly ball and Ellsbury puts it away..... BUT HE DROPPED IT! OH MAN! Young scores, and Upton moves to third. Chad Tracy pinch hits and is walked to bring up Orlando Hudson. Bases jacked, Hudson ....gets a walk off.. walk! Epic. Game 4, Boston snubs Lester and Bucholz to go back to Beckett. Micah Owings gets the call for the dbacks. Boston quickly goes up on back to back shots from Pedroia and Manny. Beckett makes it hold up through 7 before Lester comes in. Arizona attempts to get on the board in the bottom of the 9th after an rbi single from Byrnes but Lester finishes them off, Boston wins 5-1. Game 5 pits.. Curt Schilling against.. Danny Haren, both on short-short rest. Schilling guts it out, toss a gem for 5 innings while Haren matches him. In the top of the 6th, Schilling walks Upton to load the bases, next facing Reynolds who skies a blast way back..... ONLY for Drew to snag it at the wall. A run scores. Schilling gets by without anymore damage. Buchholz relieves him in the 7th and pitches well through the 9th but Upton gets a double and steals third base. Jackson brings him home on a single, Arizona leads 2-0. In the bottom of the 9th, Brandon Lyon manages to get Varitek and Lowell swinging. Youkilis gets a double but is left stranded as Lyon shuts the door on Boston's run. Arizona in 5.

Arizona gets to face....


Hideki Irabu Region

1 Colorado vs. 2 Chicago (N)
Carlos Zambrano was seen spotted in a Starbucks wearing elbow pads and a helmet. He was not skating. Game 1 sees Jeff Francis and Carlos Zambrano. Francis feels the sting early when the cubbies lead off with 5 straight hits, with the six hitter rolling around with Derosa peppering a shot into the stands. 6-0 early start for the cubbies. In the third, Colorado responses with a 2 run shot from Todd Helton, but Zambrano keeps them quiet for the rest of the game. The cubs tack on more in the 7th when Ramirez blasts a 2 run shot off Brian Fuentes. Fukudome would follow with his own homerun. Zambrano throws a complete game, cubs roll to a 9-0 victory. Game 2 pits Ubaldo Jimenez against Ted Lilly. Both teams exchange poor pitches in the 2nd, as Tulowitzki hits a 3 run shot off Lilly while the cubs earlier landed 4 runs of their own thanks to homeruns from Theriot and Ramirez. In the 6th, Jimenez is forced to exit the game due to shoulder tightness, Taylor Buchholz is in for long relief. The rockies manage a run in the bottom of the 6th when a ball is misplayed by Derosa, allowing Hawpe and Atkins to score. Colorado carries a lead into the 8th, but Soriano victimizes the pitching with a 3 run shot. Derrek Lee soon follows after 1 out with a double, and then another double by Ramirez. Fukudome is walked by Mark Redman, Derosa is hit by a pitch. Bases loaded, Pinella decides to pinch hit for Fontenot with.. Kerry Wood. Wood dumps a double into the gap, scoring Ramirez and Derosa. Soto finishes off Redman with a 3 run shot. The cubbies would run away with a 15-5 victory over the sulking rockies. Game 3, Franky Morales battles Ryan Dempster. Dempster keeps the rockies at bay early and is matched by Morales. Morales gets his 11th strikeout in the 6th inning, giving the rockies some life with the first decent pitching performance of the series. Morales has to be lifted after a high pitch count in the 8th but Corpas manages to keep the cubs quiet. In the top of the 9th, Wood is pitching and manages to keep the rockies off base by picking off Tulowitzki and striking out Helton. Nothing happens again until the 11th when, in the bottom of the inning, Theriot reaches on an error. He goes to swipe second, but Torreabla misses Barmes and Theriot takes third. Corpas shrugs it off to face Derrek Lee... who throws down a suicide squeeze and Theriot is called safe! The cubbies walk away with the sweep, 3-0. That ended up being the first and only run of the game.

...the Chicago Cubs!


Semi-Finals,
2 Arizona Diamondbacks vs. 2 Chicago Cubs


Stay tuned for part 2 of part 4, 24 hours or so from now, my baybies!