The Madness Continues...

If you're lost, refer back to the intro and round 1 action here: The Beginning of Madness


Rob Deere Region

1 Detroit vs. 4 Atlanta
Kenny Lofton gets the game 1 start in left after Jacque Jones was the only Tiger without a hit in the first round. He opens up with a triple off Smoltz, when Smoltz soft tosses it over the middle of the plate. Renteria knocks him in, Detroit gains an early lead. Verlander goes on to whiff the Braves left and right, but Smoltz holds his own. Chipper ties it up on a solo shot in the 8th, but Detroit counters in the bottom off Moylan with a swift assault. Sheffield and Cabrera hit moon shots and Zumaya shuts the door. Reports leak that Leyland has been wrapping Zumaya in bubble wrap. Atlanta serves up slow ball with Tom Glavine in game 2, Glavine goes on to rack up 13 unprecidented strikeouts when the Tigers swing ahead on 70mph fastballs. Franceour magically walks 3 times in one game as Atlanta rolls out on Kenny Rogers. Willis puts Detroit back on the winning path by edging out Hampton in an epic 9 inning to 9 inning dual, the only run coming on a pinch hit bomb from Brandon Inge. Game 4 sees Tim Hudson get lit up early, when Polanco and Pudge go yard, and Cabrera clears the world with a triple. Granderson hits a popup so high that it's misplayed when Escobar trips and falls, allowing Granderson to have an in the infield homerun. Atlanta makes the comeback with a 10 run 6th, when Bonderman loses all senses and professes his love for Gary Sheffield's wife. Sheffield sheds man tears. Detroit loses. Smoltz and Verlander part 2 goes pretty well until Verlander left one hanging and McCann bashes the ball so far it smacks Jarrod Saltalamacchia in the face. Atlanta hangs on, 3-2.

2 New York A. vs. 3 Philadelphia
Jimmy Rollins opens up the series with a news conference to announce the Yankees history is completely overrated and pointless. He further says Derek Jeter is no better than Miguel Cairo and Alex Rodriguez should have picked a different sport. Mike Mussina opens for the Yankees and nails Rollins in the mouth, resulting in a broken jaw for JR. Mussina gets booted, forcing Phil Hughes to enter. Philly starter Cole Hamels gets lit up, but so does Hughes. Both leave in the 6th. Utley ties the game with his 6th hit of the night in the top of the 9th, making it 17-17. Flash Gordon can't keep the Yankees at bay as Jeter and Cano reel off back to back doubles for the win. Game 2 sees another slugfest, but the edge slowly goes to Philly when pitcher Edwar Ramirez tries to intentionally walk Utley but Utley steps in smashes a 2 run shot, Philly would win 15-8. Fearing for their playoff lives, Girardi starts Joba Chamberlain in game 3. Even though Utley hits a solo shot, Chamberlain reels off 8 great innings, letting Mo get the save for a 3-1 victory. Game 4, Mussina returns and extracts his revenge by striking out Rollins every time. Utley gives them a boost with a 2 run double but it's not enough when Melky Cabrera hits the go ahead single in the 8th. Yanks, 3-1. Utley ends the tournament going 32/34, after which ESPN inducts him into the Hall of Fame.

Buzzworthy: It's true, Chase Utley was unstoppable. He had 28 rbis in 9 games, and pitchers managed to get him out only twice. Girardi said it's official, Pettite and Kennedy will go to the pen and Chamberlain will be in the rotation. He also said Wang goes 1, Chamberlain 2, Mussina 3, and Hughes 4. Jim Leyland denies reports of wrapping Joel Zumaya in bubble wrap after every game, claiming the reason behind Zumaya's disappearance is that he's in a Guitar Hero tournament. In a show of good sportsmanship, Justin Verlander kneels before John Smoltz, hailing him the God of Detroit.

Round 3:
2 New York A. vs. 4 Atlanta
Remember when Atlanta was methodically picked apart by the Yankees in the world series way back when? Yeah, there's no Jim Leyritz anymore but Andy Pettite is still there, even though he just re-bought another house in Houston. Rumor floats around that the Braves tried to convince Bud Selig to let them deal for Greg Maddux and sign Denny Neagle for nostalgic purposes. Bud Selig was last seen rebuilding his rocker.


Todd Hollandsworth Region

1 Boston vs. 5 Tampa Bay
Word leaks out that Joe Maddon didn't realize Rocco Baldelli was still on the team in the first round, and quickly starts him in round 2. Beckett opens up for the Red Sox and gives up a solo shot to Baldelli, who pulls up lame trotting around the bases. Apparently he tore both hamstrings and blew out his rotator cuff. Manny Ramirez ties the game up in the bottom of the inning when Scott Kazmir is blinded by a swarm of flies. Beckett rolls along without further damage and Papelbon easily gets the save. Game 2 opens with Freddy Garcia opposing Curt Schilling. In an act of honoring a great, Garcia wears a fake bloody sock. Amazingly, he goes unhittable for 7 innings. Al Reyes gives a few coaches some heart attacks in the 8th, but gets by and Troy Percival gives a few coaches some strokes, and gets by the 9th. Dice-K starts game 3 and gets roughed up early with Upton and Evan Longoria going back to back. Dice-K was in disbelief when he thought originally Evan Longoria was a hot female. Boston counters in the 5th with a talent surge from Jason Varitek, after he decimates a Garza pitch into centerfield. Boston jumps ahead when they realize Al Reyes and Troy Percival are the 8th and 9th inning guys. Who knew? Game four opens up like a circus when the teams combine for 13 runs in the first two innings. With Wakefield and Shields out early, Boston calls on phenom Clay Buchholz while Tampa brings back Garcia. Still wearing the fake bloody sock, Garcia cans the Red Sox for the final seven innings as the Eagle Rays hold on. Schilling quickly blogs about how awesome Garcia is. Game 5 pits Kazmir against Beckett. The Rays quickly realize they're doomed when Beckett locks on like he's facing Roger Clemens in the world series. Beckett goes the distance, striking out the side in the 9th and pushing the Red Sox on, 3-2


2 Arizona vs. 3 Toronto
Did anyone realize Matt Stairs actually hit 21 homeruns last season? Or that his backup is named Buck Coates? Wonders never end. The pitching warfare begins with Halladay and Haren. Both go at it for 8 innings solid, before Halladay slips on a pitch and plunks Upton. Upton steals second, then steals third, and then steals home. And then steals Mark Reynolds gatorade, and steals Chad Tracy's seat on the bench. Lyon packs the Blue Jays home in the 9th. Haren prepares for an interview by Peter Gammons, but its stolen at the last minute by Justin Upton. Game 2 goes to Canadia when Burnett mows down hitters and crazed squirrels running across the diamond, racking up 15 k's before he lets BJ Ryan steal Justin Upton's thunder in the 9th. Arizona begins a rally but Justin Upton is thrown out at home plate by Alex Rios to end the game. Upton proceeds to steal Rios' glove. Arizona sends the Big Unit out for game 3, Dustin McGowan was seen during warm ups running up to Johnson and telling him this is his house. The two lock in and battle for 6, when Johnson is attacked by angry sea gulls. Greg Zaun was last seen laughing maniacally. Aaron Hill hits a go ahead 2 run double while Frank Thomas goes yard, putting the Jays up 4-1. Marcum comes in for the 8th for Toronto. Mark Reynolds hits a 2 run shot for a rally. Ryan comes in early, gets out of the jam. In the 9th, Chris Young pinch hitting hits a go ahead 2 run shot. Chad Qualls puts the Jays to bed in the 9th. In a surprising move, Micah Owings is scratched from game 4 and moved to DH. Haren suits up. Panicking, the Blue Jays send out Halladay. The two dual once again but Halladay suffers a cramp in the 7th and gives up a 3 run shot to Chris Young. Justin Upton later steals home again. Haren carries over to the 8th unblemished before Scott Rolen ends the no hit bid. Vernon Wells gives life into the Blue Jays by knocking in Rolen but Haren finishes off the 8th. The Blue Jays can't muster a rally on Lyon in the 9th, Arizona rolls 3-1.

Buzzworthy: In 32 innings, Haren has only given up one run. Greg Zaun was later arrested on charges of manipulating fowl, Zaun would plead not guilty. Upton was charged with theft of a diet soda but before the report could be filed, it too was stolen. With Freddy Garcia's tournament contract expired, the Yankees put in a 4 year 95 million dollar offer to sign him for next season. Curt Schilling immediately blogs that the Yankees are making a big mistake. Breaking news is announced when Jayson Stark points out that David Ortiz went hitless in round 2. Also noted is that JD Drew has yet to get hurt.

Round 3:
1 Boston vs. 2 Arizona
Haren vs. Beckett, Webb vs. Dice-K, and Johnson vs. Schilling. You only get that in a mad world.


Kent Bottenfield Region

1 Cleveland vs. 4 San Diego
Sabathia goes on a diet, losing 50 lbs, by eating nothing but crackerjacks. Rumor has it he's diabetic now. Peavy literally rips out his soul in game 1 when he tosses a shut out. He gets a big boost when Michael Barrett hits a grand slam in the 4th. That's all he needed. Sabathia ends up gaining 74 lbs after he was pulled. Chris Young opposes Carmona in game 2 and quickly gets in trouble when Hafner and Marte take him deep in the 4th. Carmona avoids a snag when Grady Sizemore dives and catches a ball that was hit foul out of the park. The ladies call it the sexiest catch ever. Playing it smart, Joe Borowski is banned from the 9th inning as Betancourt gets the save opportunity and strikes gold. Jake Westbrook gets the game 3 call as San Diego ponders the idea of using Jake Peavy for every start from here on out. Maddux ultimately gets the chance and battles Westbrook for six when Hell breaks loose. The Padres release years of Petco frustration by scoring 14 in the 7th. With two outs, in the 8th, Cleveland gets help when Franklin Guiterrez hits a three run shot off Cla Meredith. Meredith then gives up a 2 run shot to Garko before closing the book. Down 9, Cleveland makes a furious comeback, starting by tearing apart Heath Bell. Up by only 4, the Padres let Hoffman come in. On the 3rd night of Josh Barfield Bobblehead Doll Night, Barfield hits a pinch hit two run double and is followed by a Sizemore game tying homerun. The ladies call it the sexiest game tying homerun ever. All is lost in the bottom of the 9th when Jim Edmonds hits a walk off. Game 4 pits Jake Peavy against... not CC Sabathia. Turns out Sabathia could not fit through the dug out tunnel and was scratched from the start. Carmona gets the emergency call. A battle ensues of an epic nature. Both toss 9 scoreless innings and both managers decide to let them keep pitching. The 14th rolls around when Brian Giles draws a walk and Khalil Green moves him to third on a single. Betancourt is brought in to relieve Carmona, but Carmona refuses to leave the mound. When asked why, Carmona says he can't leave because his legs have gone numb. Ryan Garko is brought over to carry Carmona off. And Adrian Gonzalez hits a game winning single... Sabathia was seen crying and eating a gallon of mustard. Padres, 3-1.

2 New York N vs. 3 Seattle
Bonds? Sosa? 1998 all over again? Oh, wait, nevermind. Bedard and Santana square off in game 1, and it's no match for the Mariners until, wait for it.. Bonds pinch hits for Richard Sexson, hitting a shot that crosses the moon and knocks Tiger Woods in the head. The Mets attempt to rally in the 8th when Wright doubles in Pagan. Jorge Sosa tries to keep the Mets alive in the top of the 9th but gets rocked by a Beltre blast. Mariners hold on and take down the Mets. Santana is fined by ESPN afterwards for giving up runs. Hold on, Skip Bayless is calling, he's suggesting the Mariners cheated- it's the only way they could score off Santana. Game 2 has King Felix and Pedro going and Pedro relives his glory days back in Boston by sticking needles in the sides of the Mariners. Bonds ends his homerun streak by going 0-3, whiffing every time. Pedro strikes out 15, in which he struck out Sexson 5 times in one at bat. Series shifts to Seattle as Washburn meets Maine. Maine struggles with his command and doubts whether he made the right choice about being a baseball player. Ichiro hits a grand slam in the third inning. He proceeds to kick Sexson in the balls and tells him to grow some and hit the damn ball. Sexson answers by.. retiring. Ibanez is moved to first, Sosa to the outfield. Sosa hits a two run double to end Maine's night. Mariners take the series lead by winning 10-1. Game 4 sees Bedard return to face Oliver Perez. Perez battles the potent Mariner lineup and succeeds through seven. Carlos Delgado gives the Mets a quick lead in the 2nd with a solo shot. Wright adds another solo in the 5th. Bottom of the ninth, Wagner enters and slams the door on Vidro. Beltre battles Wagner endlessly and draws a walk on the 21st pitch of the at bat. Ibanez hits a bloop single over Reyes' head, leading to a 200lb Barry Bonds to walk to the plate. First pitch... ...and the ball has yet to land. Mariners finish the upset, 3-1

Buzzworthy: Bonds manages to hit nearly .600 in the series, hitting homeruns in 3/4 games. He passes Chase Utley for tournament lead in homeruns. Richard Sexson was released after his retirement, he claims he's going to look into becoming a pro-bass fisher. Jake Peavy wears a ratty old white robe, grows a rigid beard and announces he is God and he plans on pitching with his new uniform and look. He encourages you to go with Christ, brah. Stunning realization, the Padres do have offense.

Round 3
3 Seattle vs. 4 San Diego
Bonds vs. Peavy again. The white guy is dressing like and referring to himself as God now. The other is only 190lbs. 150 are in his arms.


Hideki Irabu Region

1 Colorado vs. 4 Los Angeles
Manager Andre Ethier decides he's going to change the lineup around. Game 1 pits Francis vs. Penny and no that's not a basketball matchup. Francis holds strong but Penny begins faltering in the 5th when the Triple HHH's hit back to back to back doubles. Garret Atkins cleans up from there. Biemel can't stop the bleeding in the 6th and Tulowitzki hits a 2 run double. Helton knocks him in and Holliday hits a 2 run blast. Rockies clobber LA 13-2. Game 2, Lowe meets Franky Morales. Morales gets picked early when Ethier hits another homerun in the series, a 2 run shot. Nomar follows with a solo shot. Morales calms down and Lowe starts fading in the 6th when Holliday hits a base clearing triple. Scott Podsednik pinch hits for Torrealba and hits his first homerun in 10 years. Corpas shuts down on the Dodgers in the 9th. Game 3 quickly goes south for Billingsley and the Dodgers, as the Rockies rack up 11 runs in the first three innings. Ethier turns the duties over to Saito and he proceeds to shut off the Rockie offense. Nomar in the 5th hits a grand slam to give life to the Dodgers. Down 11-6 in the 8th, Nomar faces Corpas and looks overmatched in the first two pitches but he fights back to hit a 3 run shot to make it a 2 run game. With Kent and Loney on base, Andruw Jones comes up with a chance to extend the series and skies a shot off Corpas... but Willy Tavares uses his body to block a homerun. Jones manages an RBI double. Russ Martin comes up with a chance and breaks his bat on a jam shot that's snagged by Helton. Rockies roll with the sweep.

2 Chicago N vs. 6 Oakland
Cubs enter game 1 with Carlos Zambrano while the A's counter with Rich Harden. While both avoid elbow and arm issues, they deal shutouts into the 8th. No knees Crosby knocks in Daric Barton for the A's. Marmol enters and shuts down the A's from there. In the bottom of the 8th, Pie scores on a suicide squeeze bunt by Theriot. Derrek Lee hits a go ahead 2 run shot in the very next at bat. Marmol is left in to close and shuts down the A's. Blanton gets game 2 for Oakland, Ted Lilly for the Cubs. Shawn Green hits an early homerun but Blanton gets railed in the 4th when the Cubs send 12 to the plate. Yeah, all at once too. Huston Street enters in the 6th and quickly departs after Steve Bartman hits a homerun. Actually, Fukudome hits the homerun. Wood gets the hold as the 8th and 9th go quietly for Oakland. Cubs get out to an early lead in game 3 when Pie is driven home by Theriot off of Chad Gaudin. Gaudin plunks Lee which causes Lee to charge the mound. Gaudin quickly ignites his jetpack and flies off before Lee can grab him. Both players are ejected. Huston Street comes in for relief and is quickly knocked out when a giant junebug smacks him in the forehead after striking out Soriano. Santiago Casilla does manage to keep the Cubs from scoring again but Oakland can only muster an RBI double from Ellis. Marmol enters the 9th and breaks the Oakland hearts. Bobby Crosby is taken to the hospital after breaking both elbows.

Buzzworthy:
Andre Either resigned as manager of the Dodgers and Ned Colletti hands the reigns back to Joe Torre. Juan Pierre is sold to China. The Cubs announce that Kerry Wood will be back in the rotation and Jason Marquis will be in the pen. Huston Street is listed in good condition after the drive-by-bug hit. Crosby regains movement in his right arm, his knees are still yet to be found. Rich Harden's arm did not fall off. Carlos Zambrano has not seen a TV or computer in a month. Ryan Theriot got the key to the city.

Round 3:
1 Colorado vs. 2 Chicago N
The ball should fly in the series. Can the cubbies keep the momentum or will everyone's new darling clean house?



Stay tuned for round 3, my pretties.