Hal's predictions for the 2006 season (sort of)

[CincyRedsFan30]

Hal McCoy's predictions for the 2006 season (sort of)

By Hal McCoy

Dayton Daily News

To steal a few phrases from Joe Garagiola, Yogi Berra and Bob Uecker, "Baseball is just a bit outside and, hey, you can't say that on the radio, or nobody goes there any more because it's too crowded."

Anything can happen in baseball and usually does, so let's take a whack at what might or might not happen in the majors this season.


1. The Cincinnati Reds will not finish first in the National League Central.


2. Alfonso Soriano will be traded to the Reds but will refuse to join the team because, "I ain't flying in the back of the plane; I'm a front-of-the-plane guy."


3. Homer Bailey will be called up from Class AA Chattanooga after going 11-0 with a 0.00 ERA and pitch a no-hitter in his Reds debut, but lose 1-0 on a walk, passed ball, error and a balk when the bird of paradise flies up his nose.


4. Wily Mo Pena will catch a fly ball in Fenway Park.


5. The Cincinnati Reds will not finish second in the National League Central.


6. The Washington Nationals will finally be sold — to George Mason University, which puts its baseball team into the National League East and beats the Atlanta Braves on the last day of the season to win the division.


7. Barry Bonds hits his 714th home run, tying Babe Ruth's record. But it is not mentioned on TV or the radio and not written about in any newspaper, so the home run is like a tree falling in the forest — did it really happen?


8. The Texas Rangers re-acquire A-Rod in a trade and owner Tom Hicks renegotiates his contract and gives him $340 million over the next eight years.


9. The Cincinnati Reds will not finish third in the National League Central.


10. George Steinbrenner fires manager Joe Torre and replaces him with his second cousin on his mother's side who once played Strat-O-Matic baseball and lost.


11. Team Japan is added to the National League West after the Arizona Diamondbacks fold and the Los Angeles Dodgers declare bankruptcy after two road trips to Tokyo on which they fly their team first class and feed them Kobe steaks.


12. Ichiro sets a major-league record with 279 hits, 112 of them infield hits and 27 of them drag bunts. But he beats the Cleveland Indians in the American League Division Series with an inside-the-park grand slam home run.


13. The Cincinnati Reds will not finish fourth in the National League Central.


14. Barry Bonds admits he used steroids, but says he did it unknowingly and thought the syringe with Jose Canseco's picture on the plunger was a Cuban flu shot.


15. The Chicago Cubs win the NL Central, win the NLDS, win the NLCS, but forfeit the World Series when Kerry Wood, Mark Prior and Carlos Zambrano all undergo emergency rotator cuff surgery and the Cubs have no pitchers. Commissioner Bud Selig refuses to permit the Cubs to pitch a goat.


16. Roger Clemens comes out of retirement to pitch for the Reds in September, pitching three games for the Dayton Dragons to get ready, but says, "I still say the best thing about Dayton is seeing it in the rear-view mirror."


17. The Cincinnati Reds will not finish fifth in the National League Central.


18. The Reds finally beat Houston's Roy Oswalt, 2-1, but it is discovered later that Oswalt went on a fishing trip that day and it actually was a cardboard cutout of Oswalt standing on the mound.


19. Division winners:

AL East, Boston; AL Central Cleveland; AL West, Los Angeles/Anaheim; NL East, Atlanta; NL Central, St. Louis; NL West, Los Angeles; AL champion, Boston; NL champion, St. Louis; World Series champion, St. Louis. And ?


20. The Cincinnati Reds will finish last in the National League Central.

[Cincy]

How many times has Hal picked the Reds last now? I'm not saying we're going to contend, but 4th place seems about right to me.

I guess he's still a Pirates fan.

[General]

I'm with Hal. You'll finish last. At least this year.

[redsrbetter]

Well the bottom line is, this was funny stuff and I take this only as a comical way of looking at things. Its easy to disagree with Hal on this article because we know he was using his sense of humor while writing it.

They may finish dead last this season, but I am not ready to commit to that kind of thinking. I am just going to see how everything clicks and watch one game at a time. Its time to hope for the best and get this baseball fever flowing!

[Fishercat]

Hehehe...I laughed.

[Geki Ace]

Well, look on the bright side. Hal hasn't correctly reported anything all offseason, so we'll probably see the exact opposite of what he said.

[Wally Mo Pena]

Well, look on the bright side. Hal hasn't correctly reported anything all offseason, so we'll probably see the exact opposite of what he said.

finally, we agree.